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When you try your best but you don’t succeed

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Dreams

Dreams

Everyone has this little dream of theirs on their mind. For me, I would really want to achieve being financially free by the age of 30 and being someone with rich knowledge. I believed that as long as i have the faith and courage and continue working hard towards my dream, I will be able to make it there one day. There are ups and downs in life, what is more important is that keeping a positive mindset everyday and encourage yourself not to give up easily. Treat every good or bad times as a learning opportunity. Each day, you will grow as a better person.

To You..

Thanks for the memories you gave me. Whether it is good or bad, i will remember them. It is not easy for us to walk till this far, really not easy. Highs and lows, we managed to overcome them. However, one month ago, I know that you are no longer willing to continue this journey with me. To be honest, it hurts a lot a lot, but what can I do. I tried my best to hold you back, however, the respond I get was once again hurting. The hurt is something indescribable to the extent that you feel numb and helpless. I know that now we can no longer go back to how we used to, but at least I’m glad that these beautiful memories had happened. That’s already enough.

Life, just ranting

As a whole, it is not easy being a human being. There are a lot of things to consider and worry about. Things like family, friendships, relationships, studies, work, money and even expectations and perfection of oneself is something we have to deal with almost everyday. I question myself what is important to me, i couldn’t really come up with a conclusion. Everything is almost important, but i do not have the time for all of them.

From young, i have always set my expectations high for almost everything, including myself. I expect everyone and everything to go according to my wish. It is something kind of selfish. I do not really want to do things that i dislike. I would normally give up or simply avoid them. It is something i really dislike about myself. I would really want to change this trait of mine, but trust me, it’s damn hard. I told myself today that i am going to change, however, when i woke up next morning, nothing change. Is it really that hard? I have to learn to be more discipline and determine. It is always hard to start off anything…

People change, environment change and even I change as an individual. Regardless good or bad, it is something inevitable. What we can do is to try to adapt and reflect if needed. I really do want to be a better person each day, a better person to everyone in my life.

Didn’t really know why would I type something like this, it’s just not me.

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I am someone who prefers everything to be planned ahead. I am someone who needs my life to be arranged nicely before i do anything. Right now, certain stuffs are still in a mess. I hope that i am able to resolve them as soon as possible. Actions always speak louder than words. I would like to see if i am able to prove myself wrong. Have faith YJ.

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Nichiren Daishonjn writes: “Suffer what there is to suffer, enjoy what there is to enjoy. Treat both sufferings and joys as part of life and continue to chant Nam-myoho-Renge-kyo”, no matter what happens.

Shitty

Sometimes you do feel shitty and fucked up. It’s getting into me now. Been like this for a few days. And you can’t do anything about it. It has come to a point where even changing doesnt help. #shitty

Feelings

Just feeling like i do not belong to anywhere, anyone.

I really disappoint many people.

I’m loss…